vidette

I get married in 22 sleeps/3 weeks/530.5 hours approximately

I've been so busy.

I offer you these suggestions, if you're going to get married:

- hire a 'wedding planner'
- elope
- go SMALL - like tiny
- don't tell anyone
- don't invite your relatives except immediate family
- do make other people do stuff for you
- get bridesmaids you know will give you too much help rather than less
- in the last few weeks take time out from demanding friends and relatives and focus on you

As it is - I'm not sleeping and not eating and my hands have started shaking of their own accord. You people don't know me mostly - It's not like I don't want to get married.

I'm having trouble talking out how I'm feeling - so I know I'm pretty stressed. On top of that - everyone seems to be having trouble listening to me even when I do talk.

I've also discovered, yet again, that all anyone ever thinks about is themselves - I am doing it right now. Thank GOD for mothers. If you have a good one - they're one of the only people who so habitually think about you - they notice when you're cracking and say something.

And? You ask.

Good question.

I don't know the answer.

So I'm working today and it's cold and rainy (I wrote rainly - hee) outside - but I wouldn't know as I don' have a window.

Busy for a while this morning - now I've got some time to break.

There's a rat in my ceiling. It's been there for weeks. Told the Financial Controller/HR person - did nothing. Told the owner/GM - brought rat poison in and put it in the roof. I didn't really want it killed... I feel bad for the littleish thing.

We have had mice at home recently too.

It's a quandry - for me - I don't want them around because they're dirty and messy and will make me sick. But I don't want them to die slowly and painfully or even at all.

Remember Wayne's World? And the quote "why do they come to me to die? why do they come to me to die?!" That went through my head the other night -out of nowhere.

Poor little miceythings.

And? You ask.

Good question.

I don't know the answer.

On the verge of tears
Holding back
Sometimes I hate you so much

Why are we like this?
Why do we relate like this?

Why do you say those things?

Teeth clenching
Body straining
I'm so mad at you

Why am I so mad?
Why do we relate like this?

Why do you say things like that?

Hate. Hate. Hate. Anger.

Screaming. Yelling. Breaking. Throwing. Hurting. Hitting. Biting. Cracking. Smashing. Crying. Hating. Pushing. Hiding.

I love you.

And it hurts so much.

And? You ask.

Good question.

I don't know the answer.